Stupid Things

I have done some stupid things in my life:

When I was a kid, I believed my dad when he told me that pollywogs turned into babies. I had a Miracle Whip jar full of future babies until my brother knocked them off the table.

I once started a fight with a kid who was bigger and older than me. I was in the front yard of my house, so I figured my mom would step in after I got a couple of shots in. I would be a hero in my neighborhood. Nope. My mom watched this kid rearrange me for a few minutes, then brought me into the house and spanked me for starting a fight.

I mistook a cat in a dumpster with a maniacal, homicidal hobo. Same effect, same abject terror, different actors.

I ate a Milk Bone dog biscuit. Twice. Okay, maybe more than twice.

I ran out of the house in the middle of the night during an earthquake. Only after being outside for a while did I notice it was kind of drafty. To my horror, I discovered that I was clad only in tighty-whities underwear. Fearing public ridicule, I slinked back into the house.

I have owned some pretty terrible cars. Chevy Chevette, I’m looking at you…

I put a plug of tobacco into my mouth during freshman football. Then I swallowed the whole plug during a tackling drill. It is believed, by those in the know, that I set a world record for volume of vomit expelled on a football field by a 13 year old.

I substituted tuna for jelly in a home-made Christmas chocolate, and made sure my brother ate it. Actually, that belongs on the list of things I am most proud of.

I danced with my wife at my son’s wedding reception. I thought I did okay, she informed me that I lack rhythm, finesse and possibly even the proper grooming standards to slow dance. Anything other than a slow dance and I look like someone stepping in water while holding a 480 volt cable.

Come to think of it, I am pretty sure I have eaten upwards of five Milk Bone biscuits in my life.

I have also made some pretty good decisions:

I married a beautiful blonde from my Grandpa’s church who has become my best friend, my confidant, and the person I most want to be with all the time. Some say this smart decision by me was a pretty dumb one for her.

I have owned some pretty cool cars; a 70 Mercury Cougar, a 67 Lincoln Continental, a 65 Ford Econoline pickup. Not everybody is as keen on the Econoline as I was, but they have a right to be wrong if they wish.

After trying to talk God out of it, I followed his call and entered the ministry.

After trying to talk God out of it, I answered his call to be in the ministry full time.

After trying to talk God out of it, I answered the call to co-pastor Remnant Church. Hmm, there may be a pattern emerging…

The best decision I ever made was the one to follow Christ. The word “Christian” gets a lot of use these days, and to be honest, we have tarnished and weakened its true meaning. I choose to say that I am a Christ follower. I live every day trying my best to follow the teachings and lifestyle of Jesus. Too often I fall short, but I get up, dust off my britches and keep trying. Following Jesus has been the most rewarding decision I have ever made, and I haven’t even made it to heaven yet!

It may be time for you to make that decision as well. Like me, you may have made so many life decisions that didn’t pan out. Trust me, the decision to follow Jesus is a sure winner.

Still fuzzy on the total number of Milk Bones eaten.. Jerry


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