We were a bunch of high school kids dreaming of gridiron glory. As freshmen we were at the bottom of the football totem pole. The varsity players looked at us as though someone had breathed life into tree moss. We were the newbies, the punks, the pretenders and poseurs.
The first day of practice we all walked out of the locker room fully dressed in our gear. Then we noticed that the varsity guys carried their stuff out to the field and dressed after calisthenics. The next day, the freshmen all carried their gear out, too. We were just like them. Continue reading The Chaw
How do you measure greatness? Is it by the amount of money a person has or dies with? Do you measure it by friends or popularity? I once heard a definition of greatness that basically said you don’t compare that person with anyone, they are the person that everyone else must compare to.
I grew up idolizing Dick Butkus, the great Chicago Bears linebacker. I practiced tackling like him, I wore his number, I did everything I could to emulate him and his style of play. I even taped my fingers together because I saw a “Sport” magazine picture where he had done it. I didn’t know why he had done it, I just knew that he had, so I did. You didn’t compare Butkus to other players, you compared them to him. And the others always came away wanting. Butkus was the epitome of greatness at his position. Continue reading The Measure Of Greatness
“The sky is falling!”
“Wear a helmet so a 300 pound piece of space junk won’t hit you and crush your skull.”
If you were watching the news last week you saw these warnings and many others. If you weren’t paying attention, here’s what was happening. A school bus-sized 6 ton satellite had lost its orbit, and the result was that it was going to come crashing to earth. Continue reading What? Me Worry?
Thirty years ago on September 12, 1983, Lanette Irene Sanford had what can only be described as a HUGE lapse of judgment, and followed through with our wedding. One of her sisters had tried to talk her out of it, but she persisted!
Over the years we have raised two children, been on staff at numerous churches, raised a ton of dogs, cats, hamlobsters and fish. Continue reading Lanette Must Be Crazy!
“I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her…” Pat Robertson on the 700 Club. Robertson went on to say that Alzheimer’s was a kind of death, so your marriage vows are fulfilled.
You’re wrong, Pat, dead wrong. Continue reading Really, Pat, Really?
I was supposed to write this a while ago, but I kept putting it off. You know, I was busy; I had stuff to do. I couldn’t take the time to sit down and clear my head long enough to write a post.
There were a lot of important things that needed to be done. How could I possibly consider doing anything else, like writing a post? The air in my tires needed changing, the muffler bearings on my Mustang needed to be serviced, and the radiator on my wife’s ’69 VW Beetle needed to be flushed. Too much stuff to do, too little time. Continue reading Procrastination
I do not like to throw items away. You never know when you’re going to need something or when you can re-purpose something. Or, you can always put it on eBay. That is the biggest reason to hold onto junk now, eBay has turned our old junk into treasure.
Got an old record player? Some sucker, I mean buyer, is ready to work himself into a frenzy bidding against other suckers, I mean consumers, for your junk, err, valuable collectible. Continue reading eBay Stuff
I have taken the plunge. After a long period of indecision and waffling, I have decided it is time. I had a false start once and backed away, and I have regretted it ever since.
I have abandoned my Windows computers for Apples. Mind you, I have years of experience with Windows computers. In fact, I go all the way back to CP/M machines. The first computer I used was a Kaypro II “portable” computer (portable if you were a behemoth). It weighed 29 pounds and had to be plugged in! When I look at my iPad now and realize that it has thousands of times the power that the Kaypro II did, I am amazed. In fact, my smartphone has more power than my first ten computers combined. Continue reading I’m A Mac (finally)
My brother Greg cussed like nobody’s business when he was a kid. He could put together truly imaginative combinations of cuss words. He was the Picasso of bile, the Rembrandt of rancor, the DaVinci of profanity.
The thing was, he never got caught. Greg could go from cursing me under his breath in our bedroom to being as sweet as pie when my mom walked in. It was like living with multiple personalities. Have you read the poem written by the guy with multiple personality disorder? “Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m a schizophrenic and I am too!” I kept waiting for Greg to spew split pea soup and rotate his head like the girl in The Exorcist, but it never happened. At least not while I was watching… Continue reading The Dish Soap Fix
Hey Boys and Girls, it’s time for “Cooking With Uncle Jer’.” Our recipes for today all use the same main ingredient: snake! We have Snake Adobo, Snake Guam Style (Coconut Milk), even Sweet and Sour Snake.
Doesn’t that sound yummy? Continue reading Christian McNuggets