When I wake up in the mornings it takes me a while to get out of bed. My back hurts, me knees ache, and my mouth tastes like I slept with a dirty gym sock in it. My wife says it smells that way, too. Sweet lady, huh
I used to bound out of bed in the mornings after only three or four hours of sleep. I still get up, I just don’t bound anymore. More like lumber, or stumble. Yeah, that’s it, I stumble out of bed in the mornings. Continue reading From the Archives: Getting Old
Everybody was dressed in their Class A uniforms. The full nine yards. Boots and shoes were shined so bright that you could go blind if you looked at them too long. Everybody looked good.
The Sheriff walked up and down the line of Deputies, Correctional Officers and Professional staff, shaking hands and smiling at each of them. The only people missing were the deputies, dispatchers and correctional officers on duty. Everybody else was there. Continue reading Inspection
In 1972 I had a pair of purple bell bottoms with black pinstripes. As you wipe the tears of laughter from your eyes I will point out that there were two or three other guys with the same pants! We all bought them on sale at Zodys.
In 1974 I had long blond hair. It was parted down the middle, and I was the epitome of cool.
In 1977 I had a baby blue polyester leisure suit. I wore a white gauze shirt with embroidered cuffs and collar. Again, I was the epitome of cool. Continue reading Purple Bell Bottoms
My babies were dead. All ten of them. Wiped out in a moment of senseless violence. My children had been murdered, and my brother Greg had done it.
I loved my babies. My dad and I went to the lake and retrieved them lovingly, one by one. Oh sure, they were tadpoles now, but they would be turning into babies soon. I was going to raise them; I would be their dad. Continue reading Tadpole Babies
A bird got loose in my house once. I tried everything to save that stupid bird. He flew away from me every time I got near him. He just didn’t understand that I was trying to help him, not hurt him. Eventually, he met his demise in an ugly meeting with one of my ceiling fan blades. He shuffled off this mortal coil never realizing that the fat guy with the sheet, laundry hamper and broom was just trying to save him from his own actions. That describes Christmas to me. The Son of God left the beauty of heaven and came down to earth to save me from my own bad decisions and make my life better than it could possibly be without him. He wants to do the same for you, and that baby in the manger is His way of showing you. Continue reading Some Deep (And Not So Deep) Christmas Thoughts
We had all of the fixings laid out to make Christmas chocolates. My mom had gotten out the hot plate, the chocolate for melting, strawberry jam, grape jelly, and some kind of marshmallow creme. Yep, we had everything we would need to make Christmas chocolates.
Except tuna. Continue reading Tuna Chocolates
The bombers took to the air. The skies darkened.
Children ran screaming, looking for a safe place.
I knew what was next. Soon we would be bombarded from above. I covered my tuna sandwich, and gathered up my chips. No room to hold the milk, it was on its own. Continue reading The Mark Twain Bombers
A few years ago I was happily winging my way toward Monterrey Bay in my wife’s PT Cruiser. The stereo was blaring classic rock, I had just finished an In-N-Out Double Double and had an ice cold Diet Coke in the cupholder. Everything was great.
Then, only 45 miles from my destination the car began to act funny. As I pulled up to a stoplight in Los Banos, the car began to make a crunching noise. Then it wouldn’t go. You don’t have to be a master mechanic to know that these are bad things. Continue reading Choices
It all started with my grandpa…
“Why don’t you shave off your beard, Jerry? You look like a criminal.” Hardly the kind of support you look for from your grandfather, but his true thoughts nonetheless. His simple statement sent my head spinning. “What would I look like without my beard?” I wondered.
So I shaved it off. After twenty years with a mustache, over twelve years with a beard of some sort, I shaved it all off. Continue reading The Beard