Category Archives: Uncategorized

Christmas Rant 2014

Beauty-Christmas-shopping-460x252On July 5th, Super Mega-Low-Crazy-Deal-Mart began putting up the decorations and ads for their Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre-Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwanzaa/Generic Holidays Sale. You could save a whopping 10 cents on the always needed Dr. Toothies Flossing Picks.

In September, the sales started in earnest. Super Mega-Low-Crazy-Deal-Mart kicked off their Pre-Pre-Pre-Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwanzaa/Generic Holidays Sale with a sale on all kinds of holiday related merchandise. Look! You can save $2 on an authentic, pre-wired tin foil Christmas tree that lights up and plays an electronic version of “Jingle Bells” or “What Child Is This.” It’s kind of hard to tell. Continue reading Christmas Rant 2014

Hotel Showers

showerheadIt was a tense time, for sure. Just the slightest miscalculation could cause untold pain and suffering. If I over-adjusted one millimeter either way, the pain caused would be intense. Confident that I had made the necessary calculations correctly, I made my choice. Now I had to be extremely precise in my movement. Steady now, turn the knob just so… Aaaarrgggghhh, scalding water! WHY ARE HOTEL SHOWERS SO STINKING HARD TO ADJUST? Continue reading Hotel Showers

Autotune

2_auto-tune-live-screenshotI was driving around, minding my own business, when my ears and senses were assaulted by a sound so hideous that I was shaken directly to my core. This sound can only be described as a cross between the sound of two semi-trucks in a head-on collision and a herd of feral cats being squirted with a fire hose. Truly dreadful and horrendous. I looked around to see what had made this horrible sound. Did I run over a demon? Did my car cause a rip n the space-time continuum? No, it was just a song on the radio.
Continue reading Autotune