The dart hanging from my scalp bounced against the back of my head as I chased my brother. There was malice in my heart as I ran through the house as fast as my chubby legs could carry me. If I caught my brother Greg before he got to our mom, he was a dead man.
Let me take you back to a quiet afternoon in the Godsey house: somebody had been stupid enough to give my brothers and I a dart board. Continue reading The Dart Story
Fred is busy. He has work to do, and he gets it done. He goes through his life just fine. He doesn’t think he has any problems, and he doesn’t need any help. His friends have told him there is more than this life, but he’s not buying it. “What more can there be than this,” he thinks to himself. His friends talk about a being that is more powerful, more advanced and totally different.
Fred doesn’t have any use for mysterious beings that are higher than him. He can’t put his hands on it, he has never seen evidence, never touched them, so he doesn’t believe. “If you can prove to me that there is something greater than me, I will believe it. But until I can comprehend it with my mind, until I can figure it out, I refuse to believe it exists.” Continue reading Earthworm Fred
The young man sat across the table from me in obvious pain. Tears filled his eyes as he recounted one of the deepest losses of his life. Even though seven years had passed, he was still overcome with grief at the thought of losing something so dear to him. It was obvious that this poor fellow would forever carry the pain of losing something so dear, so personal. I’m not sure he will ever recover.
It’s not easy losing your helicopter undies. Continue reading Helicopter Undies
Have you ever seen a beach ball with a rubber band tied around the middle? Or how about a belt around the planet earth? If you can imagine those things, you can begin to imagine the horror I threatened to inflict on kids in San Diego.
When I was youth pastor at Central Assembly in El Cajon, CA, I decided to take my youth group to the beach. Now, at that time I weighed somewhere in the vicinity of 430 pounds. That’s right, 430 pounds. I looked like a continent in Nike tennis shoes. I was so fat my blood type was Ragu. When I sat around the house, I sat AROUND the house. I can tell fat jokes forever, I got a million of ‘em. I’ve heard them all, and thought very few of them were funny. Continue reading Speedo’s
I’ve got a bum right knee. When it rains, or when it is cold and damp my knee aches like nobody’s business, and every now and then it just totally lets me down.
So I’ve decided to cut it off. I’m going find my hacksaw, then I’m going to cut off my right leg. I’m not going to take any anesthesia, I won’t even clean the blade. After all, a step this drastic should include some pain and risk, shouldn’t it? Continue reading Divorce