I do not like to throw items away. You never know when you’re going to need something or when you can re-purpose something. Or, you can always put it on eBay. That is the biggest reason to hold onto junk now, eBay has turned our old junk into treasure.
Got an old record player? Some sucker, I mean buyer, is ready to work himself into a frenzy bidding against other suckers, I mean consumers, for your junk, err, valuable collectible. Continue reading eBay Stuff
I have taken the plunge. After a long period of indecision and waffling, I have decided it is time. I had a false start once and backed away, and I have regretted it ever since.
I have abandoned my Windows computers for Apples. Mind you, I have years of experience with Windows computers. In fact, I go all the way back to CP/M machines. The first computer I used was a Kaypro II “portable” computer (portable if you were a behemoth). It weighed 29 pounds and had to be plugged in! When I look at my iPad now and realize that it has thousands of times the power that the Kaypro II did, I am amazed. In fact, my smartphone has more power than my first ten computers combined. Continue reading I’m A Mac (finally)
My brother Greg cussed like nobody’s business when he was a kid. He could put together truly imaginative combinations of cuss words. He was the Picasso of bile, the Rembrandt of rancor, the DaVinci of profanity.
The thing was, he never got caught. Greg could go from cursing me under his breath in our bedroom to being as sweet as pie when my mom walked in. It was like living with multiple personalities. Have you read the poem written by the guy with multiple personality disorder? “Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m a schizophrenic and I am too!” I kept waiting for Greg to spew split pea soup and rotate his head like the girl in The Exorcist, but it never happened. At least not while I was watching… Continue reading The Dish Soap Fix
Hey Boys and Girls, it’s time for “Cooking With Uncle Jer’.” Our recipes for today all use the same main ingredient: snake! We have Snake Adobo, Snake Guam Style (Coconut Milk), even Sweet and Sour Snake.
Doesn’t that sound yummy? Continue reading Christian McNuggets
I took a beautiful woman to dinner the other night. Anybody watching would have seen us holding hands across the dinner table, laughing and joking. In short, we were having a great time. I looked into her eyes and felt things that only a man infatuated with a woman can feel. I must tell you, she was a real knockout. On a scale of one to ten, she was at least a fifteen.
Who was this wonderful woman, you ask. My wife, Lanette. Continue reading Taking A Beautiful Woman To Dinner
I was a third grader and I had forgotten my house key. The only way to get in the house was to climb a ladder to get in through the side window. I forgot to put the screen back on and didn’t think anything about it. I went about the rest of my afternoon doing whatever thrilling stuff I did at that age.
My mom called after she got off work and said we were going to get something to eat, so we piled in our 65 Chevy Nova and went to McDonalds. As we returned home I remembered that I had left the screen off the window and my mom was going to be angry. So I ran ahead of my family and climbed the ladder to put the screen back on. Here’s where it gets weird… Continue reading The Screen And Ladder Fiasco
A few years ago I gave up trying to grow a lawn. The combination of my front yard’s alkali ridden soil and my total lack of gardening expertise hastened the decision.
My grandfather had what is known as a green thumb. He could grow roses on a brick. I on the other hand, have a bIack thumb. If killing plants was murder I would be the most prolific serial killer in the world. So I took out all of the grass and replaced it with river rocks and a nice fountain. Now, instead of trying to water and mow every week, I pull weeds three or four times a year. Continue reading Bees In My Fountain
When the founding fathers met in those back rooms to lay out the government for a new nation so many years ago, I wonder if they had any idea what their new country would become?
I wonder if they knew that their framing of the right to privacy would someday be interpreted to include the killing of unborn children?
I wonder if they could comprehend that the freedom of speech would include pictures of men and women being degraded and abased in pornography? Continue reading Independence Day
Have you ever prayed by the fish sticks? I have. Well, I should have.
While youth pastoring at my grandfather’s church in Beaumont, CA, I went shopping at the local Alpha Beta. As I turned down the frozen food aisle, I noticed a woman of about fifty looking into the frozen fish sticks and weeping. Continue reading Praying By The Fishsticks
Don’t get me wrong, I like Walter Mathau. He was a fine actor. I just didn’t want to look like him. So imagine my shock when I looked in the mirror, and instead of my face, Walter Mathau stared back at me.
Maybe I need to explain myself. It all started with my grandpa…
“Why don’t you shave off your beard, Jerry? You look like a criminal.” Hardly the kind of support you look for from your grandfather, but his true thoughts nonetheless. His simple statement sent my head spinning. “What would I look like without my beard?” I wondered. So a few years ago I just shaved it off. After twenty years with a mustache, over twelve years with a beard of some sort, I shaved it all off. Continue reading Shaving It All Off